Tuesday, May 16, 2017



| I am a devoted big sister who took care of my only sister since we have age gap of 8 years. When she's still at school, to diploma to doing bachelor degree i always with her..helping her with everything as if she is my daughter. Plus i'm still not married so i have plenty of time to taking care of her to ensure she's ok living far away from family (i'm from east cost state) and living, study and working in Selangor currently. Everytime she has long semester break, she will come and stay with me, when she's doing practical training also she live with me and now she already working in the same company with me. So, we look close..however in reality, we are so far away...how to describe this, we rarely talk. she always busy with her favorite kpop celebrity all the time in her daily life..i repeat every time..that's how we apart..we look close from other's view but in reality we are not that close...|
maybe we were so close back then,  but now....

| I'm not saying that i'm a good sister but I did all i could for my little sister. I put her in front when i did something..always thinking about to taking care of her and to ensure that she got all what she wants because we got lack of love from our parents. And i don't want she feels the same way that i feel. but now, seems like she doesn't care at all about me..when i ask her to do something, she easily just talk back to me without think about how i feel. she always made me upset and sad. She talked bad things about me on twitter (i do stalk her twitter sometimes) and i felt so sad. i tried to not think too much about it and act as i know nothing and act like i feel nothing..i tried to act naturally..but until when..she will repeat her cold and careless act towards me until i feel like leaving all my family and live alone somewhere else because i'm so tired to feel sad almost all the time...|

|I am keeping inside type of person. I don't know how to express my feeling and sometimes when i feel upset with her i just keep quiet until i feel okay and i start to talk to her again. but she will just act like nothing happen. she's never try to talk to me first or ask why i'm upset and all..she just ignore and act like she's in her own world. i feel like she don't grateful to have me with her at all..i feel like I'm just nobody to her..after all what i have done and now she treat her own sister like that..|

| I am really tired and exhausted with this feeling..it's hard for me to face this alone. if i have chance i want to go away from all of them..from parents who never care about their kids, from little sister who never thinking about her sister and from friends who never thankful to me when i being nice to them..i'm looking for the day for me to go away..i'm tired..seriously tired and i want someone who know how to appreciate me..i don't ask for much..but to feel appreciated by the people who i love the most..but in this life i don't think i will get one..i pray and hope to go away from all this..so that they will realize how hurt i am...|

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