Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Sisters

| "SISTERS ARE DIFFERENT FLOWERS FROM THE SAME GARDEN"|

| I am a devoted big sister who took care of my only sister since we have age gap of 8 years. When she's still at school, to diploma to doing bachelor degree i always with her..helping her with everything as if she is my daughter. Plus i'm still not married so i have plenty of time to taking care of her to ensure she's ok living far away from family (i'm from east cost state) and living, study and working in Selangor currently. Everytime she has long semester break, she will come and stay with me, when she's doing practical training also she live with me and now she already working in the same company with me. So, we look close..however in reality, we are so far away...how to describe this, we rarely talk. she always busy with her favorite kpop celebrity all the time in her daily life..i repeat every time..that's how we apart..we look close from other's view but in reality we are not that close...|
maybe we were so close back then,  but now....

| I'm not saying that i'm a good sister but I did all i could for my little sister. I put her in front when i did something..always thinking about to taking care of her and to ensure that she got all what she wants because we got lack of love from our parents. And i don't want she feels the same way that i feel. but now, seems like she doesn't care at all about me..when i ask her to do something, she easily just talk back to me without think about how i feel. she always made me upset and sad. She talked bad things about me on twitter (i do stalk her twitter sometimes) and i felt so sad. i tried to not think too much about it and act as i know nothing and act like i feel nothing..i tried to act naturally..but until when..she will repeat her cold and careless act towards me until i feel like leaving all my family and live alone somewhere else because i'm so tired to feel sad almost all the time...|


|I am keeping inside type of person. I don't know how to express my feeling and sometimes when i feel upset with her i just keep quiet until i feel okay and i start to talk to her again. but she will just act like nothing happen. she's never try to talk to me first or ask why i'm upset and all..she just ignore and act like she's in her own world. i feel like she don't grateful to have me with her at all..i feel like I'm just nobody to her..after all what i have done and now she treat her own sister like that..|


| I am really tired and exhausted with this feeling..it's hard for me to face this alone. if i have chance i want to go away from all of them..from parents who never care about their kids, from little sister who never thinking about her sister and from friends who never thankful to me when i being nice to them..i'm looking for the day for me to go away..i'm tired..seriously tired and i want someone who know how to appreciate me..i don't ask for much..but to feel appreciated by the people who i love the most..but in this life i don't think i will get one..i pray and hope to go away from all this..so that they will realize how hurt i am...|





Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Beautiful Mind

| Aku baru je habis menonton drama Korea yang best, wonderful, amazing dan superb pada pandangan aku selama kau duk menonton korean drama ni. Sebenarnya tanpa sengaja termenonton drama ni. Ye la, dah lama download ada dalam thumbdrive tapi tak tertengok2 lagi sampai la last week sebab boring ke apa aku pun tak tau. a week before aku duk habiskan tengok drama Cunning Single Lady and so in love dengan pelakon dia Joo Sang Wook and then sebab drama tu dah habis, aku bosan time weekend aku pon time tu kena period pain. nak keluar ke mana-mana pon memanglah tak larat. Jadi aku decide to watch drama. Jadi aku godek-godek lah thumbdrive tengok apa yang ada kat dalam tu. emmm ada cite The Heirs sebab aku plan nak marathon tengok drama ni balik tapi entah kenapa rasa macam tak nak tengok pulak drama tu, godek-godek lagi thumbdrive, sekali ternampak drama Beautiful Mind ada dalam 5 episod camtu. Ok, why don't give it a try because aku tak yakin sangat dengan drama ni sebab aku tak suka sangat dengan Jang Hyuk dan Park So Dam pon sebab aku tengok dia dalam drama Cinderella and the fourth knight. so, I gave the drama a try. and....guess what?? teka apa jadi? aku terus jatuh cinta. first, bukan dengan pelakon, tetapi dengan jalan ceritanya..|

| Jalan cerita drama Beautiful Mind ni sangat lain daripada cerita bertemakan kedoktoran yang aku pernah tengok. Tidak terlalu beratkan elemen percintaan. Elemen percintaan itu ada (of course perlu ada, doktor pon manusia juga mestilah nak bercinta bukan? haha) tetapi ia tidak diberatkan sangat sebab ada lagi elemen-elemen lain yang perlu dititikberatkan dalam drama ini iaitu tentang identiti seorang doktor, Lee Young Oh (Jang Hyuk) yang menghidapi satu penyakit yang tiada rasa simpati dan tiada perasaan lain sejak dari kecil dan dilatih oleh bapanya (actually bapa angkat) Dr Lee Gun Myung untuk mengetahui perasaan orang lain melalui bahasa badan. Setelah membesar dengan tiada perasaan dia berjaya menjadi seorang doktor pakar bedah yang sangat hebat dan berkhidmat di sebuah hospital yang sama dengan bapanya. Di sini bermula konflik antara dia dengan bapanya, dengan pengurusan hospital, dengan pihak yang tidak bertanggungjawab yang ingin mengaut keuntungan semata-mata, dengan kekasih yang mengkhianati dia kerana hanya kepentingan sendiri, tetapi di sebalik semua konflik itu, dia berjaya mengenali seseorang yang dapat membantu dia keluar dari dunia gelap dia dan berubah menjadi seorang yang baru dan lebih baik.|



















| Dengan drama ini secara rasminya aku isytiharkan diri aku sebagai peminat Jang Hyuk haha. yela sebelum ni pandang sebelah mata je. tak peduli pon drama atau filem apa yang dia berlakon, yelah tak minat kan..ha hamek ko! sekali dah terkena dengan drama ni.. terjatuh cinta dengan oppa Jang Hyuk. seriously, dia sungguh berkarisma dan membawakan watak seorang yang tiada perasaan itu dengan baik sekali dan yang paling membuatkan aku suka dengan Jang Hyuk, dia seperti sangat baik dengan pasangannya dalam drama, tidak memaksa, tidak kekok dan dia nampak sungguh friendly dan boleh berlakon dengan baik dengan semua orang walaupon watak yang dibawanya adalah seseorang yang mempunyai anti social disorder. tapi kita boleh nampak yang dia ikhlas bawa watak itu dan watak itu memang sesuai dengan diri dia. Dan walaupun ada penyakit anti social disorder tetapi dia tidak selfish. Dia masih fikirkan pasal orang lain juga. Dan Chemistry antara Park So Dam juga bagus. So, aku dengan gigihnya mencari behind the scene of the drama..yelah lepas tengok drama kena tengok behind the scene baru best. barulah dapat tengok sisi-sisi sebenar seseorang pelakon itu. Malangnya tiada satu behind the scene pon sebab dengarnya semasa tayangan drama ini tidak mendapat sambutan yang menggalakkan. Sebab itu juga ia dipendekkan kepada 14 episod. Aku pun tak faham taste orang Korea terhadap sesuatu drama tu camana adakah kerana jalan cerita? pilihan pelakon? daripada stesen mana drama ini disiarkan atau? atau faktor-faktor lain kerana aku rasa drama ini memang hebat dan tak bosan untuk ditonton langsung. Penuh dengan scene-scene yang mendebarkan. Entahlah yang penting aku suka dengan drama ni dan aku harap Jang Hyuk tak berhenti berlakon dan membuktikan bahawa dia adalah pelakon yang hebat despite apa yang berlaku pada drama ini. Jang Hyuk oppa fighting!! hehe |






Friday, January 29, 2016

First Entry 2016

| Hi, Hello..sudah agak lama tidak berblogging..no time and no chance to write..entahla nak kata busy sangat tu takdela busy sangat..maybe takde mood or takde interesting things happened to me or around me..just another usual boring day..same as a boring me..keke..| 

| Kerja macam biasa..masih di position lama..tiada tanda-tanda untuk naik pangkat, naik gaji atau seangkatan dengannya cuma ura-ura untuk bertambah lagi beban kerja tu ade la..but don't want to stress myself so much..just go with the flow..selagi larat buat, da tak larat angkat kaki and then blah je..tapi selagi larat..cuba setiap hari untuk positifkan diri untuk bertahan, bersabar dan cuba untuk lengkapkan diri sebaik mungkin untuk kerja dengan lebih baik dan belajar  benda baru setiap hari..zetti fighting!! hehe| 

| Selain kisah duka lara selepas being dumped 2-3 bulan lepas, tiada perkara menarik pon terjadi kat aku..i just mengabadikan diri aku dengan menonton drama korea je..lagi best..tenang dan tak sakit hati..keke..now i'm so obsessed with So Ji Sub oppa..jangan marah! kekeke and oh, now drama yang paling best so far is Reply 1988..I watach Reply 1997 and Reply 1994 but Reply 1988 is the best..i love the casts, the storyline and all..and i really really hope that kim Junghwan or jungpal is the husband..haha..it's always being a hot trend for Reply series to make us guess who the husband would be..i'm in #teamjunghwan kekee jungpal is so charming and i know that he loves deuksun so much since the beginning..this week the last 2 episodes will be aired..so, can't wait to know who is deuksun's husband.. :p |




*update news, Jungpal is not Deuksun's husband..hul~ and i'm not goint to watch the rest of the episode..i don't understand why they made Taek as the husband when they gave us hint about how Junghwan fall for Deuksun from the start..i hate it even the story line is good but the production team and the writers should not favor Taek just because he is handsome compare to Junghwan..i think Junghwan has his own charms and he is a the best candidate to be the husband..whatever! i don't want to care anymore..i won't watch the rest of the episode...bye|

| And about So Ji Sub, oh my god..previously i don't know about his existing at all, i know about the drama The Master's Sun and i know that my favorite actress Gong Hyo Jin is the actress for the drama but i don't know who is so ji sub..i get it confuse between him and that grumpy and not so my type cha seung won so i have no interest to watch that drama at all..but thanks to new year celebration boredom that i had enough time to watch old dramas and movies stored in my external hard disk..lol and i decided to watch The Master's Sun to feel the horror korean drama..and bammm! I fall in love with So Ji Sub..blame this drama..seriously..he is so charming..and handsome..and cute..and rude and protective and so and so..and after i finish watching the master's sun (17 episode only in 3 days can you believe me?) i look for So Ji Sub's other dramas and he currently acting in the latest drama Oh My Venus along with Shin Min Ah..and I watch that drama..and I fall in love again with So Ji Sub oppa..haahhaha..but compare to The Master's Sun, Oh My Venus's storyline was not that strong and too sweet and too easy..for me, i like The Master's Sun more but I love So Ji Sub in Oh My Venus more because of his casual outfit.. i don't like to see him in formal suit lol and now continue to watch drama Ghost Phantom which So Ji Sub oppa acted in 2012..it's a good drama..and i'm enjoying watching oppa's face..keke |




Friday, October 30, 2015

Stopped Open Up About Myself to Others

| Since 2010, I think I have stopped open up myself to others. it's tiring you know, when you were ready to get to know other person, you prepared yourself to accept what good and bad about them but later end up with they leave you without say anything. so, since then i decided to not open up about myself easily to other..I want to protect myself and my heart because the feeling of being left behind and being neglected like you are a fool and has no feeling..can you imagine how hurt would i feel? indescribable feeling ever! |


| So, for long time, I don't feel like get to know someone for a special reason and time goes by just like that alone..but i'm not lonely..i have my friends who are so funny and lovely so that i don't feel lonely at all..|


| But lately, that feeling appear again..because someone said that he is kinda like me..and i tell myself..why don't you try and open yourself this time..maybe it's time for you to be happy like other and maybe he's the one for you..so, i accept the challenge..i start to getting know him..slowly..i give us time..to open about each other..but it seems to slow and i wonder if he still like me when he know some of my information..because i'm just an ordinary person..nobody likes ordinary person i think..and maybe he suddenly feel like i'm not suitable with him..who knows..so, i don't want to push or force him..it's okay..i'm used to it after all..but deep in my heart..i always praying for someone to come to me and accept me for who i am..|


Working World

| Welcome to the working world! You wake up in the morning with full of energy and positivity your mind..you keep telling yourself that you will be a positive person from the morning until night. you will make yourself be prepared for whatever happened and you will face whatever come to you. every single day, you will keep on repeating to remind yourself to stay positive..the moment you step out from your home..while you walking to your car..when you driving..you listen to energetic and lovely songs to keep your upbeat and to be happy and cheerful..|


| However..on your way to reach office, you will face 1001 things which out of your control..bad traffic, rude people on the road, and when arrive office you have to face annoying colleagues, when you call people for anything, you need to deal with their rudeness, you need to taking care of your heart from every angle because you won't know when you will face all sort of problems and your energy become draining and your smile is not like your morning smile anymore|



| But like it or not, you have to deal with it everyday..it's all up to you about how you deal with it and how you protect yourself to no get carry away with those unhappy feelings and do not feel too stress..that's life..and that's life you choose to live in..take it or leave it..|











Friday, March 13, 2015

Say Something



| I love this song..it's so sad and always feel like crying when listening to this song.. T.T ..thanks to Nam Taehyun's brother Nam Donghyun for cover this song nicely..so that i love this song and when I listened to original version, it's even better..! the message of the song is clearly so sad..the feeling when you are loosing you loved ones..T.T |

Friday, February 6, 2015

Too Comfortable ^^

| Finally I found some good words to explain and express my feeling and my thoughts at this moment of my life..about being single and about being alone in a happy way ^^ |


| Thanks to http://thoughtcatalog.com/lux-ganzon/2014/08/15-signs-youre-comfortable-being-single/ , Here are 15 signs you’re too comfortable being single.|

  • You don’t mind staying in on a beautiful weekend. You don’t call random people to hang out on a sunny Saturday. You’d rather catch up on your reading or watch your favorite re-runs.
  • You are sincerely happy for your friends’ milestones; engagements, weddings and new babies.
  • You don’t feel uncomfortable when you go out with other couples.
  • When someone asks about your relationship status, you answer honestly without batting an eye, because you don’t see anything embarrassing about being alone in a couple-filled world.
  • You can dine out, watch a movie, or travel all by yourself.
  • When people think something’s wrong with you because you’re still single, you conclude that there’s something wrong with them.
  • Your calendar is always full: vacations, breakfast/lunch/dinner with old friends, movie date with your siblings or friends, seminars and other important activities outside work/school.
  • You forgot how it is to be dating or to be in a relationship. How many times do you need to send them messages? Which decisions do you need to consult with them? Do they need to know where you’re going for lunch and what you’re having?
  • You ignore the sweet nothings you receive in your inbox or phone because you don’t have time for someone you know is not serious or is not showing “potential” for a partner.
  • You are genuinely happy with where you are right now.
  • Your plans may involve settling down, but you’re not pressured on doing it any time soon.
  • You hate the idea of asking someone’s permission if you need to buy something or go somewhere. You come and you go as you please.
  • You enjoy your own company that you don’t feel like you’re missing out on something.

  • You heart goes out to those who are afraid to be alone and wish they’ll someday see the light and embrace singleness.
  • You’re not bitter about your failed relationships anymore. You are actually grateful that it ended. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be this happy right now.

| So, reading the articles, makes me smile because it's really portray me and myself and my feeling of being single at the moment..I don't care at all of what people may think or say about me and I feel happy for people around me who already or will be in the family institution..I will also be one, but not now..maybe one day..hopefully..but now, I'm enjoying the moment ^^ |